Welcome back to Wicked Wednesday, the day where very good (wicked!) or very bad (wicked) things happen.

Last Wicked Wednesday, I talked about Yellowstone’s 24-year old grizzly bear who recently popped up from her winter chillout with four new cubs.

Yay!

As a reminder:

“The population of grizzlies in the Yellowstone region was given protection under the Endangered Species Act in 1975 after their numbers dipped to less than 150, and scientists feared they could disappear altogether. But their recovery, thanks to habitat protection, crackdowns on poaching and a ban on hunting, is considered one of the greatest conservation triumphs in US history. Today, at least 700 grizzlies inhabit the region and, luring tourists, they have paid tangible economic dividends.”

Thankfully, America has now come to its senses on this warm fuzzy bear protection nonsense. Its current government has decided to reveal its (very secret) wicked side.

“The Trump administration is finalizing rules that will allow hunters in Alaska’s national preserves to shoot bears and wolves, and their cubs and pups, while they are in their dens.

“The National Park Service is reversing regulations written by the Barack Obama administration, which banned some of the much-criticized practices for hunting the predators, including luring bears with food like doughnuts.”

What kind of sick loser fuck of a hunter needs to use donuts to kill bears?

Also, what kind of pathetic lowlife excuse-for-a-man kills bear cubs anyway?

I have many similar questions but they’re all equally potty-mouthed and, probably, unnecessary.

“Jesse Prentice-Dunn, policy director for the Center for Western Priorities, called the rule change “amazingly cruel” and said it was “just the latest in a string of efforts to reduce protections for America’s wildlife at the behest of oil companies and trophy hunters”.

“Look sweetie, I killed a baby bear!”

So, who’s trying to defend this move?

“The Alaska senator Dan Sullivan, a Republican, said the revision was needed “not only as a matter of principle, but as a matter of states’ rights”. A tribal consortium, the Tanana Chiefs Conference, said the Obama rule was implemented without adequate tribal consultation, in disregard to rural Alaska’s dependence on wild food resources, threatening “centuries-long sustainable management practices”.

What on Earth is sustainable about killing bear cubs and pups?

Sustainable, my ass!

If I have this straight, in order to survive in the Alaskan wild, you take that donut you paid for at Dunkin Donuts, and rather than eat it to survive, you use it to lure and kill a bear cub.

To survive.

As we say in New Zealand: “Yeah, nah”.

Lest any of you get the idea that this is an isolated incident from a generally benevolent government:

“Trump’s Department of the Interior has consistently sought to expand access to public lands to hunters and fossil fuel companies. Last month, it proposed expanding public hunting and fishing access by more than 2.3m acres on 97 national wildlife refuges and nine national fish hatcheries.”

After digesting this fibre-free stupidity, let me suggest a donut—and a bottle of vodka—for dessert.

[Cover photo: Tony Campbell/BBC/Shutterstock]