From Lonely Planet’s media wing:

“A few years ago, sleeper trains were said to be dying out—made redundant by high-speed trains and cheap flights. But in this environmentally aware era the overnight train journel is staging a welcome comeback, especially in its European heartland.”

Well, to be fair, first the coronavirus has to die out a bit, but then we’re good.

“We all know the drill – daydream about taking a break, find a cheap airfare and book it, then endure the hassle of getting to a distant airport and being squeezed into sardine class before the holiday fun actually begins. Sometimes, however, catching a train to your destination is an option, and the rail journey then becomes an enjoyable part of your holiday, rather than a necessary means to an end. As the countryside rolls by your window, a train trip eases you into a relaxed mindset, ready to enjoy your vacation.”

Unlike, say, Ryan Air. Fuck those fuckers.

“A particular type of train, the sleeper train, takes that rail advantage and magnifies it. It has the usual benefit of departing and arriving closer to city centers than any airport, but with the added bonus of passengers being able to stretch out and sleep for much of the trip. Not only does that negate the expense of one night's accommodation, but sleeper trains are generally timed to leave in the evening and arrive first thing – leaving entire days free for sightseeing. Sleeper berths often come in attractive levels of comfort and price, too – from a couchette with several berths in a shared dorm-style arrangement, up to private single-bed berths of varying levels of luxury.”

Here’s the cover picture again in all its gorgeousness:

This Pride of Africa train typically crosses South Africa from Cape Town to Johannesburg/Pretoria and sometimes heads off into other African countries like Botswana and Namibia. Check out its dining car:

Fuck me sideways.

I’m now heading off on a tangent. This can happen when trains are involved. How much does this baby cost? For one person, it starts at 2000€, and for two people sharing the entry-level Pullman suite, 3000€ all up, for the 3 day/2 night trip between Cape Town and Pretoria. Ouch! Here’s that 7 m2 entry level suite with private en-suite though:

Not too shabby.

But here’s what’s really interesting about South African trains. Between Cape Town and Johannesburg/Pretoria, there are actually three other trains at different price points, depending on your cashflow.

There’s the famous Blue Train, where tickets cost about the same as the Pride of Africa (it’s now the same company) and the suites look just as gorgeous.

The next step down is the Premier Class train, described by the legend (man) in Seat 61 as:

“…an affordable deluxe service aimed at both budget-conscious tourists and South Africans themselves. It's another of South-Africa's well-kept travel secrets, and it's already getting great reports from travellers who try it. If you can't afford the famous Blue Train, but still want safe, civilised deluxe train travel at ground level through superb South African scenery that you can't see from 35,000 feet, take a Premier Classe train.”

You get your own sleeping cabin if you’re travelling alone, there’s a restaurant car serving 3-5 course meals, and a lounge car with sofas and a bar (pre-covid obviously). From a recent review:

“And the cost? Travel from Johannesburg to Cape Town, sole use of a double occupancy sleeper, coffee & cake, five course dinner, full breakfast, four course lunch, welcome drinks in the lounge, all for a mere £171. I think it’s the best value travel I have ever experienced.”

CRAZY! This train is 2 days/1 night though, but still! Given my financial standing, I reckon this train is the deal of the century for a touch of luxury without all the crazy wooden panelling.

Though there’s also another perfectly reasonable step down yet if you’re on a budget: the Shosholoza Meyl train:

“The Shosholoza Meyl long-distance passenger trains are perhaps South Africa's best-kept travel secret and an unbelievable bargain. Comfortable, cheap & perfectly safe, they link major cities including Johannesburg to Cape Town, Durban, Port Elizabeth & East London. They're a great way to travel as they let you see South Africa comfortably & affordably at ground level, without spending whole days & nights in a bus seat, or spending a fortune on expensive tourist experiences like the Blue Train or Rovos Rail, or flying and missing everything.”

The train still has a restaurant car. If you want your own sleeping cabin as a solo traveller, it’ll cost you 75€ for the room (not including meals). Same price if there’s two of you! Otherwise share a 4-bed compartment and make some friends and pay only 40€. What a deal! A day and a half of spectacular South African scenery, a bed for the night, for 40€. Super good.

Ok, where was I? Ah, yes, sleeper trains are making a comeback in 2021!

Sleeper trains are the best. That is all.