[Bit of a rambling one today. Hope some of it makes sense. May have overdosed on nitrates from the last swim I had.]

Being stuck in New Zealand during the coronavirus pandemic has given me time to think about where the country and its environmental image is headed.

it’s a tricky one, and like many things, following the cold hard cash and the desire to retain living standards are fruitful paths to follow in the quest for truth.

New Zealand in 2020 clings with torn fingernails to its clean green paradise mythology, hiding away in a far-flung corner of the map.

Sometimes it’s so hidden, it’s not even on the map.

Tourism advertising propagates this nirvana myth to a perfectly gullible planet.

But even just the flying to New Zealand from Europe is a full twelve months’ CO2 emissions for a typical European. We’re talking six tonnes of CO2 for the round trip: six thousand kg.

Large parts of New Zealand do remain “green”, whether it be “environmentally”—one third of the country is protected land, or merely the colour of the grass: green sheep farms and green beef farms and green dairy farms. (more like brown at the moment: drought in the North)

41% of New Zealand’s total land area is sheep, beef, and dairy farming.

One of the reasons the country slips under the “Jesus what an environmental catastrophe” radar is because there are only five million people with massive per capita emissions, rather than five hundred million people with massive per capita emissions.

India is less than two tonnes CO2-equivalent/person/year.

The world average is around five tonnes/person/year.

New Zealand is around eighteen tonnes/person/year.

35% of these CO2-equivalent emissions are from farmed animals belching and farting (methane, much more potent than CO2).

The vast majority of the resulting “animal products” are shipped overseas to make muchos dolares to keep living standards up to where kiwis expect them to be.

[Homework question: Is it worth it? Choose your own definition of “worth” before answering.]

Which brings us to the water.

It’s a story so ghastly story in kiwiland, it has its own Wikipedia page.

Basically, massive animal farming leads to massive water pollution.

Nitrogen, phosphorus, sediment from erosion of farmed land, etc.

It’s a real battle:

“In 2016, a controversial video by Greenpeace highlighted the contribution of dairy farming to river pollution, stating that over 60 percent of monitored rivers are unsafe to swim in. This video advertisement was appealed by DairyNZ, but the Advertising Standards Authority found in favour of Greenpeace.”

The level of greenwashing is truly stupefying in New Zealand.

The farming sector runs ads all the time insinuating they are “on to it”, “cleaning up their act”, etc.

But it’s mostly hot methane:

“The latest state of the environment report, released yesterday, shows the national dairy herd grew by 70 percent between 1994 and 2017, increasing the level of nitrogen getting into waterways.

“The report said 94 percent of the river lengths in urban areas are not swimmable, that figure is 82 percent for rural river lengths.

“It also found that between 1996 and 2012 more than 70,000 hectares of native vegetation was converted to pasture, forestry and urban areas.

“Greenpeace spokesperson Steve Abel said the report painted a comprehensively damning picture of the dairy industry, which is harming biodiversity, rivers and lakes.

"Dairy bosses have been telling us they're well on the way to cleaning up their act, but the environmental statistics show the truth - the biggest degradations in New Zealand's environment in recent years have been caused by the dairy industry," Mr Abel said.

"This latest report from the Ministry for the Environment is a withering exposé of dairy's part in trashing the planet."

There have been plenty of bollocks-based pledges and the like from these “reformed” farmers.

But very few facts on the ground.

Most New Zealanders are rightly peeved off that their rivers are now so poo-friendly.

But there’s still not much biting of the golden hand money cow feeding clean green New Zealand with taxed profit dollars so far.

The idea that maybe less animal farming is a good idea in the scheme of things remains an abstract pipe dream.

New water rules are definitely on the way though, despite all the valiant greenwashing.

Some farmers say they may have to give up if the strictest water rules come in.

Isn’t that the point though? If you’re polluting the fuck out of a river, and you can’t find a way to stop it, shouldn’t you have to stop farming?

Why is this even framed as a debate?

Right, time to go hug a tree and watch a river flow past.

Without dipping my feet in.

Bye for now.

[Cover photo: Air West Coast/ 123rf]